Burgers

"That bitch of a Gordon Ramsay is always bitching about everyone's burgers and praising his own so we'll just see," says Raul while up to his elbows in ground beef. "He claims his always hold together but we'll just see. Most people claim it's just meatloaf in a patty but we'll just see."

The recipe Raul chooses is gordonramsaysrecipes.com's "Lela's Famous Hamburgers,"that are memorable, not only for taste, but also from being the centrepiece of a Kitchen Nightmares segment. Drew has a complete aversion to reality TV of any sort so he isn't even sure who Gordon Ramsay is but apparently Lela, whoever she is, believes he is the devil incarnate. And Raul is feeling competitive which will only be good for dining. "There's a lot of stuff in there besides meat," notes Drew, "Do we even need toppings?"

"I think toppings would be a good idea," replies Raul. "I left out the sun-dried tomatoes because apparently you can't taste them anyway. And we don't have any in the cupboard." Five varieties of cinnamon but no sun-dried tomatoes, the heartbreak of having a small kitchen.

In order not to overwhelm the true taste of the burgers - and noting that Ramsay himself suggests using only fresh tomatoes and lettuce - Drew goes easy in his selection of toppings and opts for the basics: cheddar cheese, ketchup, corn relish, sweet pickle relish, Miracle Whip, Dijon mustard and a bit of horse radish.

One of the four burgers does crumble on the grill, much to Mickey's delight. Raul is unsure why, "Perhaps we used too lean meat? Perhaps Gordon Ramsay used a $10,000 grill." R&D's bbq did not cost a fraction of a fraction of that, the budget and the size of the balcony would not bear it. "Or maybe he actually does sneak in bread crumbs or uses even more expensive meat."

The burgers are meaty and juicy and utterly delicious. They are messy but Raul speculates that he is just not used to homemade burgers, the taste difference makes the minor disintegration a welcome trade-off. Mickey is in a frenzy of excitement and is exiled to his bed and admonished to semi-silence - whimpers of starvation instead of barks of desperation - until the dining is finished. Because of the garlic and onion he is only allowed a few scraps but he scarfs them down with even more enthusiasm than R&D. Score one for Gordon Ramsay, whoever he is.